I Message
An "I Message"
Starts with I… not you
- Clearly and simply states how you feel
I feel ….
- Clearly and simply states what the other person did or is doing that made you feel that way
I feel ….. when you …..
- Clearly states why you feel the way you do
I feel ….when you …. because…..
- Clearly states what you need the other person to do
I feel ….when you… because…… I want you to……
So it might look like this:
I feel angry when you call me names because I have a real name. I want you to start calling me by my real name.
I feel frustrated when you change the rules in the middle of the game, because it makes it difficult to play fairly.
I need you to follow the rules so we can play a fair game. I’m upset because you push me and I lost my place in line. I need you to let me back in my space and keep your hands to yourself.
From The Bully Free Classroom by Allan L. Beane, PhD., copyright@ 1999 Free Spirit Publishing Inc., Minneapolis, MN; (866) 703-7322 http://www.freespirit.com.